Does this look like the face of a bad dog? Do I really look guilty? Wait, don’t answer that. That question is what you humans call rhetorical. Dutchess said I was in the doghouse, and I got all excited, thinking I was getting my own place, but that doghouse turned out to be what you humans call proverbial. I realized what she really meant when she kept saying, “Bad dog!” I think it had something to do with me tearing off the cover of one of those autographed editions of her teacher books or something. My thing is why would that book be low enough for me to get my teeth on it, considering she knows my affinity for reading material. None of that matters now, of course. All that matters is that she forgives me.

I’m sorry.